20 Things Bella Swan Would NEVER Say
by Edward's Necrophiliac
Summary: Basically 20 things that Miss Swan would probably never say in her life. This is, if she overdosed on her happy pills. Go on and read. Along with reviewing Thanks darlings . Some foul language - Just cause I have a potty mouth xD


**A/N: **So, I'm really curious as to why _20 Things Our Beloved Edward Cullen Would NEVER Say _is STILL getting hits and reviews and what not. Why is that? I shall NEVER EVER KNOW. Ooh, I can feel a long Authors Note coming along. YAY~ Get ready. Seriously people, it was just a test. But now, I want to see if you guys will really crack at my randomness and weirdness. Which you all probably won't because my randomness may just scar you for life. But if you're crazy like me, well then, Welcome Home! Freaks. LOL. Note: These quotes are what I revolve around. Seriously, I say this shit EVERY SINGLE DAY. Yeah. Believe it. I can go on for hours telling you why, but I won't bore you with it xD Now for our featured presentation~ -trumpet plays- First up, Miss Bella Swan -evil laughter-

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Twilight. _

_"Detroit was kind of a random thing where it was like  
a chance to be in a rock 'n' roll movie." ~ Edward Furlong_

**20 Things Bella Swan Would NEVER Say**

**1.** "I'm a sexbomb, sexbomb! And baby I know I turn Mike Newton on all night long!" **Comment on that: I honestly don't say that to my friends O.o No shiz. **

**2. **"IT'S PEANUT BUTTER SEXIN' TIME! PEANUT BUTTER SEXIN' TIME! EDWARD! COME ON OUT!" **Comment on that: I can tell you where he is. Hiding somewhere FAR from civilization. More like you. **

**3. **"I'm Alice's best guy friend." **Comment: I told you people―there was ALWAYS something wrong with Bella. Now we know why. **

**4. **"THERE'S A FUCKING PARTY IN MY NOSE!" **Comment on that: Please, **_**please, **_**don't invite me. I beg of you. **

**5.** "Yeah, cause I think the Blue Men are so sexy." **Comment: They're blue. From top to bottom… Still think they're sexy now?**

**6. **"Jasper the princess." **Comment on that: … There is no comment. **

**7.** "Edward is my Indiana Jones." **Comment on that: So you climb through caves twenty-four seven? I'm still wondering how you survived.**

**8. **"I think I'm possessed. I have an uncontrollable urge to jump into a fish tank." **Comment on that: You're WHAT now?! You sure you didn't have an overdose on whatever you're taking?**

**9. **"I'm an ostrich on drugs." **Comment on that: What the fuck?!**

**10. **"I made out with an apple." **Comment on that: You have EDWARD CULLEN, willing to kiss you, yet you go to a frigging apple?! YOU HAVE ISSUES!**

**11. **"I'M BECOMING A MIDNIGHT COWBOY." **Comment on that: Come on, Bella! Cowboys are for Jasper to deal with. Not you, silly. **

**12. **"I don't want a boyfriend with TRAINGLE BOOBS!" **Comment on that: Unless you're talking about Mike, I have no issue in slapping you. **

**13. **"Holy shit. I'm half boy, half girl." **Comment on that: …HERMAPHRODITE. **

**14. **"Emmett, can you do a pelvic thrust for me? I heard pelvic thrusts are magical… and sexy…" **Comment on that: As long as it's Emmett, I have no issue in saying that you're right, Bella. **

**15. **"Yeah, that's right, bitches. All hail the rabbits." **Comment on that: I'm terrified of rabbits…**

**16. **"I am the TERMINATOR." **Comment on that: …Please don't terminate me. TERMINATE JESSICA -points-**

**17. **"Tony the Tiger tried to rape me." **Comment on that: I'm sorry, just HAD to spit it out. **

**18. **"I'm a possessed monkey from hell." **Comment on that: Should I be laughing or screaming? I honestly don't know which. Please, enlighten me. **

**19. **"Honestly Edward, I don't understand why you can't work at Loblaws. The slut shop." **Comment on that: Edward can be my slut. LOLOLOLOLOL JOKING! JOOOKING! LMFAO **

**And this story's number uno:**

**20. **"I remember when Mike walked past a flower and it died. The only source of brightening life in Forks. Seriously, it lost it's colour and DIED." **Comment on that: I'm so surprised that he hasn't killed anybody with his annoying chatter yet.**

* * *

**A/N: **You all think I'm still freaking funny? DO YOU?! With all that randomness and shit?! GO ON! BASH ME! I dare you. No not really. Either you bash me or don't review. I'll still know you hate it. DO YOUR WORST. Thanks to my darling Kayla because she helped me with the random crap. When it comes to hilarity, we can laugh at the gayest things and still be cool. So thanks for that. What are best firend for? PS: If people actually say it's good, which they won't, I'll go on ahead and actually make this into a series. Re-name the title and all that crap. But go on people, BASH ME :D Thanks for reading~

**--**Skyla Who is in China =D

PPS: Kayla, I seriously want my Taiko Drum Master back. I wanna play the Dragon Ball Z song again. LMFAO. Oh, and remember, you get turned on when you see Minho. Not Key. Love you, bitch xD


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